12th September 2019
Last night's meeting was awful.
I nearly walked out.
Martin has become convinced that Site 42 was some kind of secret research programme and that everyone who disappeared was involved.
He's been posting things online without discussing them with the rest of us.
Some of the information is from our private records.
Sarah was furious.
I don't blame her.
We've always said we wouldn't publish anything without the families' permission.
Martin says we're being too cautious and that somebody needs to make people listen.
Maybe he's right about that part.
But there is a difference between asking questions and accusing people of things we can't prove.
One of the families has decided to stop attending meetings.
They said the investigation is taking over their lives and that they need to try to move forward.
I understand.
I sometimes wonder whether I'm doing the same thing.
Josh has been missing for four and a half years now.
Four and a half years of checking my phone, reading old messages and wondering whether every stranger in the street might know something.
There are days when I think we must be close to an answer.
And others when I think we've built an entire theory around a name written on a receipt.
I don't know what to believe anymore.
Sarah says we should take a break.
Maybe she's right.
I just don't know how to stop looking.
